Oh TaowTao Sauce

Originally posted: 09/17/2008
My children have an oddly skewed view of "cuss" words as they call them. It's odd because I'm not shy about swearing in front of them.....and I've never in my life called them cuss words. I'd rather they hear swearing from me and know that they aren't allowed to say it, than hear it on tv or from friends and think it's okay to say. When they were smaller, I was more careful about swearing in front of them, I thought they would pick it up and I would damage them for life etc. Then I found out my kids had some serious speech issues and neither of them could even speak until they were 3 and that was only because they were in speech therapy. I had free reign until then, I could swear like a trucker, I didn't have anyone telling me "no", I didn't have them saying inappropriate things in front of strangers. Hell, even with those problems, I consider myself lucky because by the time they were speaking, no one but I could understand them anyway. Like when my daughter was 3 and announced that she could see the butt crack of the man who was putting in our new floor, no one had any clue what she just said.

Anyhu, there are some very definite words, besides the known "cuss" words that I tell my children they are never allowed to say and so they group them as "cuss" words too. Words like shut up, and hate. I just can't tolerate these words.

As a 2nd grader, my daughter came home and was telling me about a little boy at school who said cuss words all the time. At first I was mildly disturbed, what kind of things is he saying to her I'm wondering....there are swear words and then there are inappropriate slang words for various body parts and sexual experimentation. Should I be worried? Um, no. I asked her what he said. She whispered to me as she looks over her shoulder to see who could be listening to her say such a thing in our kitchen, "the s-word." Well, okay, she's heard that before from me, but that's certainly not appropriate for school....wait a minute....."what s-word?" Whispering again, "shut up". "And," she announces, "he says the f-word too." This is a little worrisome as well, but I've learned my lesson quickly....."what would that f-word be?", I ask her. "Frick."
Now this week my son tells me that his sister has called him the f-word. Just as a side note, my son knows no quiet. He certainly did not whisper it and did not look over his shoulder to see if anyone was listening to him say this abomination. Now, having learned my lesson 3 years previously, I asked to tell me exactly what f-word that would be. "Big FAT Liar!", he announces. Um hmm.

My kids now get their swear words straight from everyone's favorite linguist, SpongeBob SquarePants. Namely, "Tarter Sauce", and "Barnacles". My daughter has graduated from speech therapy now, she speaks very clear. My son is still in speech therapy, he has a few impediments yet so his cursing sounds more like, "Oh taowtao sauce", and "Oh baanicles". It's good stuff. Nothing like a problem with your r's to help people take you seriously when you're cussing.