That's right, Readers, the time is now! Yard sale season is upon us and life as we know it will never be the same. I'm talking early mornings, standing in line at every denomination of church in the city, digging through bins boxes and sometimes trash cans, and finding the most phenomenal deals EVER! Can you stand it? The excitement is almost overwhelming isn't it?!
Dragging every bargain home, whether it's from a sale or the curb (know what I'm sayin' V?) is my obsession. Hell, it's what haunts me, a possible missed treasure is the stuff my nightmares are made of. (And I'm totally serious, I have recurring nightmares about missing out on fabulous finds, it's just not right.)
Monday, April 27, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
He Never Runs Out Of Jokes...Cause He Doesn't Know Any
I've noticed a trend in age 5-7 year old boys. They don't get the knock-knock joke. I believe I've met one or two that did, but for the most part the concept is completely lost on them. Example of standard joke telling by DJ:
DJ: Knock-knock!
AJ: Who's there?
DJ: TREE-CAR!
AJ: Tree-car who?
DJ: .............
Example 2:
DJ: Knock-knock!
AJ: *sigh* Who's there?
DJ: BASKET-HOUSE!
AJ: Basket-house who?
DJ: Ummm, I forgot.
DJ: Oh wait! I know! KNOCK-A-DOODLE!!
Yes, I know, these are stellar jokes, when's his book coming out, right? Would you believe me if I told you makes them up entirely by himself? He was even so kind as to entertain his cousin with them during spring break 2 weeks ago. She was completely perplexed, but was happy to laugh at him when he would manically break down after completing one of his "jokes". That's the other thing I've noticed. The less sense they make, the funnier they are. Clearly, a knock-knock joke is at it's best when there is one made up word, and at least one nonsense word. All I can do really is roll my eyes and go with it. They say laughing at yourself is good for you and my kid laughs insanely and often. He's sure to be the healthiest person in the family.
DJ: Knock-knock!
AJ: Who's there?
DJ: TREE-CAR!
AJ: Tree-car who?
DJ: .............
Example 2:
DJ: Knock-knock!
AJ: *sigh* Who's there?
DJ: BASKET-HOUSE!
AJ: Basket-house who?
DJ: Ummm, I forgot.
DJ: Oh wait! I know! KNOCK-A-DOODLE!!
Yes, I know, these are stellar jokes, when's his book coming out, right? Would you believe me if I told you makes them up entirely by himself? He was even so kind as to entertain his cousin with them during spring break 2 weeks ago. She was completely perplexed, but was happy to laugh at him when he would manically break down after completing one of his "jokes". That's the other thing I've noticed. The less sense they make, the funnier they are. Clearly, a knock-knock joke is at it's best when there is one made up word, and at least one nonsense word. All I can do really is roll my eyes and go with it. They say laughing at yourself is good for you and my kid laughs insanely and often. He's sure to be the healthiest person in the family.
New Trend: Plastic Grass
What's my newest hobby, you ask. Why it's pulling multitudes of dandelions and violets from my lawn...by hand. I can't spray anything on them, I'm currently in the midst of my last desperate attempt at reseeding. So, daily, I'm off to look and see what the rain has spawned fresh in my lawn. It's a losing battle and it's getting more hopeless hourly as the leaves are just about to pop, forever shading the little seeds making it impossible for them to open. My house is destined to be the only one on the block with the small patchy clumps of grass and lots of blowing dirt. I mean, Vader and I busted our butts on our anniversary last year trying to smooth out the lawn, getting it ready for seeding, to no avail. We changed tactics and thought we'd wait until early spring to try again, when the sun can actually touch the lawn, but the tree is not cooperating with my grand plan. Right now, I'm really liking the idea of the fake grass like they use in Arizona. Actually, real grass is bad for our air and water, in the spirit of Earth Day today, I'm completely advocating fake grass. It might have just a little something to do with the fact that I can't grow any, but inspiration takes many forms.
Monday, April 20, 2009
I Don't Sleep On The Job, Even On Vacation
Consistent. On vacation, at home, at least we can say, I'm consistent. It's just I don't want to let anybody down, don't want my kids to think I'd lay down on the job of getting what's right and fair.
What's my daughter's favorite thing?
"When mommy has a conniption fit."
Why?
"Because she always gets her way."
Damn straight.
In Arizona, we had a little issue at the Ikea eatery. We went for a quick dinner in their cafeteria as a family. Involved were my parents, my sister and her family, and then myself and the kids. There was a bit of a misunderstanding between the lovely greeter downstairs who gave us dinner coupons, the cafeteria server, the cafeteria cashier, and me. Of course as fate would have it, I was in line first. The misunderstanding was going to cost me a whole lot more money than I was willing to spend. After much gesturing, waving around of my hands, exclaiming about fine details being ignored by staff and etc, I was given my way. This in turn positively affected my parents and sister, who were also given my way. And a supervisor never even had to be called.
"What did you say to her?", my dad wanted to know. I don't even know what to say about that, apparently he hasn't talked to my daughter who could tell him that I always get my way when I have a conniption. Or it could be that waving my hands up to the heavens was enough to scare the poor cashier into thinking that I had some contract with God and He would strike her blind if she didn't find a way to get rid of me. Overall, it was a pretty minor conniption, very easily executed and I wish someone had videotaped it so that I could learn from it. Then I can apply those same techniques to my next conniption to perhaps shorten the time from explaining whatever random problem is on my mind to having said problem ultimately fixed.
The other issue I have, that I just couldn't get away from even on vacation 2000 miles away, the need to Swiffer. I really didn't have enough time for it, but I did take one afternoon where I put some real quality time into Swiffering the tile at my sister's house. I went through like 5 or 6 Swiffer cloths and eradicated lots of pet hair and major dust bunnies. I wished I could've done more, but I can't tell you the joy I felt every single time I would then walk past the knickknacks in the corners knowing that dust bunnies were no longer making their homes there. Swiffering....it's good for the soul.
What's my daughter's favorite thing?
"When mommy has a conniption fit."
Why?
"Because she always gets her way."
Damn straight.
In Arizona, we had a little issue at the Ikea eatery. We went for a quick dinner in their cafeteria as a family. Involved were my parents, my sister and her family, and then myself and the kids. There was a bit of a misunderstanding between the lovely greeter downstairs who gave us dinner coupons, the cafeteria server, the cafeteria cashier, and me. Of course as fate would have it, I was in line first. The misunderstanding was going to cost me a whole lot more money than I was willing to spend. After much gesturing, waving around of my hands, exclaiming about fine details being ignored by staff and etc, I was given my way. This in turn positively affected my parents and sister, who were also given my way. And a supervisor never even had to be called.
"What did you say to her?", my dad wanted to know. I don't even know what to say about that, apparently he hasn't talked to my daughter who could tell him that I always get my way when I have a conniption. Or it could be that waving my hands up to the heavens was enough to scare the poor cashier into thinking that I had some contract with God and He would strike her blind if she didn't find a way to get rid of me. Overall, it was a pretty minor conniption, very easily executed and I wish someone had videotaped it so that I could learn from it. Then I can apply those same techniques to my next conniption to perhaps shorten the time from explaining whatever random problem is on my mind to having said problem ultimately fixed.
The other issue I have, that I just couldn't get away from even on vacation 2000 miles away, the need to Swiffer. I really didn't have enough time for it, but I did take one afternoon where I put some real quality time into Swiffering the tile at my sister's house. I went through like 5 or 6 Swiffer cloths and eradicated lots of pet hair and major dust bunnies. I wished I could've done more, but I can't tell you the joy I felt every single time I would then walk past the knickknacks in the corners knowing that dust bunnies were no longer making their homes there. Swiffering....it's good for the soul.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Just Let Me Use My Words!
Here's another little burr in my side. I'm not even sure if it's politically correct, I haven't discussed this with my homosexual friends yet, but I don't appreciate the new commercials about "It's wrong to say things are gay."
I love words, I think I've made that perfectly clear in more than one of my posts here. Love them. One word I happen to like the sound of and like the feel of it when I say it is queer. I think it's so quaint, and reading it in books, like, "She gave him a queer look, he wasn't sure if she was angry with him or had just ate a bad clam.", makes me want to go out and use the word. Sadly, queer is associated with being a homosexual and saying to someone, "I love that little picture, it's queer, but I think it'd be cute in the hallway.", could be misinterpreted by people to think that I think it looks to be homosexual. Homosexual is the proper term. Not gay, queer, or other less desirable terms that I won't mention. These are all words that had actual meanings before they were re-interpreted as meaning homosexual. It ticks me off that people are spending money telling people to not use the word gay, when it's not being used in it's original meaning for their purposes either. You're darn right I see things that I would term gay. Things that are so bright and cheery that often times it borders on insipid. Like gaggingly happy. You know, blindingly bright flowered pants, my kids on a bike ride on their way to get ice cream, the Dick and Jane stories, Hello Kitty. Now, do I think any of these things are homosexual? Um, no, but I would love to be able to use the word gay about them, without being attacked as being some politically incorrect snob.
I certainly don't like any put downs for any group of people and I don't want my friends put down ever, so I agree gay shouldn't be used in a way that is inappropriate. I also have no problem with my homosexual friends being called gay, or calling them gay if this is what is preferable. I just don't like that gay has been so fully ingrained in our society as being a word with a single definition, that I can't even use the word in it's original form so that I can fully emphasize and detail my feelings about something in the most descriptive way possible. For godsakes, all I want to do is tell the world that my husband's left calf is queer. I certainly don't mean it's a homosexual calf....it's just so much skinnier than the other one, it's an oddity, truly the definition of queer if I ever saw one.
I love words, I think I've made that perfectly clear in more than one of my posts here. Love them. One word I happen to like the sound of and like the feel of it when I say it is queer. I think it's so quaint, and reading it in books, like, "She gave him a queer look, he wasn't sure if she was angry with him or had just ate a bad clam.", makes me want to go out and use the word. Sadly, queer is associated with being a homosexual and saying to someone, "I love that little picture, it's queer, but I think it'd be cute in the hallway.", could be misinterpreted by people to think that I think it looks to be homosexual. Homosexual is the proper term. Not gay, queer, or other less desirable terms that I won't mention. These are all words that had actual meanings before they were re-interpreted as meaning homosexual. It ticks me off that people are spending money telling people to not use the word gay, when it's not being used in it's original meaning for their purposes either. You're darn right I see things that I would term gay. Things that are so bright and cheery that often times it borders on insipid. Like gaggingly happy. You know, blindingly bright flowered pants, my kids on a bike ride on their way to get ice cream, the Dick and Jane stories, Hello Kitty. Now, do I think any of these things are homosexual? Um, no, but I would love to be able to use the word gay about them, without being attacked as being some politically incorrect snob.
I certainly don't like any put downs for any group of people and I don't want my friends put down ever, so I agree gay shouldn't be used in a way that is inappropriate. I also have no problem with my homosexual friends being called gay, or calling them gay if this is what is preferable. I just don't like that gay has been so fully ingrained in our society as being a word with a single definition, that I can't even use the word in it's original form so that I can fully emphasize and detail my feelings about something in the most descriptive way possible. For godsakes, all I want to do is tell the world that my husband's left calf is queer. I certainly don't mean it's a homosexual calf....it's just so much skinnier than the other one, it's an oddity, truly the definition of queer if I ever saw one.
Such Disappointments
I generally try to be a positive person. I'm happy, I love life, I enjoy good humor and love sassy sarcasm. Some weeks just give you more than you can take though. Here is a short list of things that are currently ruining my life.
1. Lying Liars who lie.
2. Teachers who insist your child can't read, yet admittedly aren't personally involved in teaching them said skill.
3. The dissolving of the best church sale ever.
4. The gradual increased suckiness of the 2nd best church sale ever.
5. The most gorgeous, softest, thickest, bake sale sugar cookies ever...tasting like mouse turds.
6. My lawn.
Don't feel better about yourselves Liars, just because you're in a list of six things vexing me. You're still at the top of the list and won't be leaving anytime soon, like ever.
Late addition:
How in the hell did I forget number 7??
7. Hover Moms
That's just bullshit.
1. Lying Liars who lie.
2. Teachers who insist your child can't read, yet admittedly aren't personally involved in teaching them said skill.
3. The dissolving of the best church sale ever.
4. The gradual increased suckiness of the 2nd best church sale ever.
5. The most gorgeous, softest, thickest, bake sale sugar cookies ever...tasting like mouse turds.
6. My lawn.
Don't feel better about yourselves Liars, just because you're in a list of six things vexing me. You're still at the top of the list and won't be leaving anytime soon, like ever.
Late addition:
How in the hell did I forget number 7??
7. Hover Moms
That's just bullshit.
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