Literal To A Fault

As I've mentioned in a previous post, A & D have had some issues with understanding race. It actually has caused some problems in their development. They didn't understand all their colors until they were in kindergarten.

D would hear that his daddy was black, but he sees his dad as he really is, not in terms that are commonly used to describe people of color. Knowing that his dad is black, all things brown are called black. Ipso facto...all things black must be brown.

Me: D, go and grab your black shoes and your backpack so we can get to school.
D returns with brown shoes and backpack.
Me: D, I said go and get your black shoes, those are brown.
D: (Very patiently with me) No, mommy...these are black.
Me: Okay, get your other black shoes then.
D: I don't have any other black shoes, I have some brown shoes though.

Let me just tell you, it usually turned into a "Who's On First" performance until I understood that he matched his shoes to his dad. He was just so confused about it. By the time he was nearing the end of kindergarten, he could name black and brown things, but it would be like, "This is black right, no brown, no black...right?" Just think of growing up your whole life thinking that cats are called dogs and then having to retrain your brain that those are in fact cats, not dogs. That's what it was like for my kids because they knew black people, weren't usually black.

They finally got their colors straightened out, but it doesn't stop the confusion as evidenced by D in The St. Patrick's Day Revelations post. When A was in 2nd grade they were doing a section in Social Studies on the Civil Rights movement. We were talking about it on the way to school one day.

A: And Rosa Parks was supposed to give up her seat on the bus!
Me: Well, there were a lot of unfair things. Not only couldn't black people keep their seats on the bus, they couldn't drink from the same drinking fountains, or eat at the same restaurants.
A: That is so sad, mommy. At least it didn't happen to anyone I know.
Me: No, you probably don't know anyone.
A: Yeah, I'm glad I don't know any black people.
Me: A! You know tons of black people.
A: Who!
Me: Um, your DAD! Your grandparents, Mrs. Smith, Jabari, Khayari....
A: WHAT!?

She was blown away and sadly, she cried a little. She argued with me a little that it couldn't be because all of these people were light brown, dark brown, or tannish. It didn't help that all the photos of it....were in black and white. I explained that during the Civil Rights leaders decided the best thing to do was to call themselves black to make it perfectly clear what exactly whites were afraid of, the color of their skin. She was disappointed they didn't choose brown, but she was also really devastated that relatives of people she knew were treated unfairly. In the beginning, to her, this happened to a group of people that she had no ties to in any way, you might as well have been telling her that this was a Civil Rights movement for monsters and dinosaurs because she didn't know any and didn't think she ever would.

Luckily, A is mostly straightened out now. D, well, I'm sure we still have work to do with him. There's lots and lots of work to do with D yet. Oh so much work....

Bustin' My Butt

Well, the kids are quite thrilled with themselves as spring break quickly approaches. I hardly have the time for looking forward to it with all the work that it entails for me. I despise wishing away time, but I can't help but say that it'll be wonderful when it gets here and all this work can stop for a week and I can relax with my kids. Except for feeding them, bathing them, dressing them, the cleaning up after them, and disciplining them. It's gonna be great....

I will say that I have been doing a few things for myself, like exercising. I've already lost all but 2 of the winter warmth pounds that I put on. I think my despicable "spot" is gone, I haven't seen it for awhile anyway and my butt is getting in shape. I'm just having problems with what I've always had problems with...isn't there any exercise for shrinking boobs? Seriously, if anyone out there knows of one, I'm desperate, but I'm also not holding my breath. Why are there all sort of ads for belly fat and ab tightners....for gods sakes, my boobs are as big as my head, who's got a product for that? I'd buy that one in bulk. All I know is that I've gotta hurry up and find something, I'm 35 now, in another 10 years....they aren't going to be sitting so pretty anymore.

Revelations On St. Patrick's Day

Well, last week was St. Patrick's Day. Being that no one in mine or Vader's family is Irish or Catholic, it gets pretty much ignored at our house. So, in keeping with tradition, St. Paddy's Day was Tuesday as usual in the J household. We don't even bother wearing green, why would we....see above.

Poor D came home with stories of children being pinched for not wearing green (luckily he didn't or else the principal and I would be having another lovely chat) and he just couldn't understand why that would happen. I told him that was so tacky and I couldn't explain why that would happen either, for goodness sakes, even the people I know that wear green and celebrate the day don't know what St. Patrick is the patron Saint of. So anyway, in the midst of my explanation and why we don't wear green or celebrate the day, (which maybe I would celebrate the day if I knew what fantastically wonderful thing St. Patrick did for all of humanity) he wanted to know where his ancestors were from. A agreed, she knew some, but she wanted to know more. It was wonderful, my kids, wanting to know about their history.

So, first I explained that they are a little more than 1/4 Dutch. A adds, "From you, right mommy?" I say, "Correct A", she's so clever. Then I explain that they are both 1/2 African. Holy shit, stop the presses! D yells at me, "Whaaat?!" Covers his mouth, bouncing around in his booster seat, extreme joy coming from every pore of his body. He's thrilled, he's excited, he's totally feelin' his roots. He shouts at me again, "FROM WHO!!!!?" Now, it's very hard to keep a straight face, but god, you gotta love the innocence of this kid, he's frickin' clueless. He looks excitedly over at his sister, who to her credit is keeping a straight face and being very nice, and loudly whispers to her, "Can you believe this?!" He starts clapping as I tell him that he's African through his dad's side of the family. His response, just this, "Wow!", in utter awe. (To you Readers who know Vader and may not have noticed, as my son clearly hasn't.....Vader is black.)



For some reason my children have a very different view of race than I or really anyone expect from them. I think for Vader and I, we know that there are other points of view out there, but we don't really notice them and certainly don't focus on them. Our relationship is based on so many other things besides color, that our kids have picked it up and see absolutely everyone as equals in every way. I feel lucky that we have a very normal, perfectly happy life without serious complications that other couples in our situation had even 20-30 years ago. Anyway, I'm sure I'll be writing about some of the other issues my children have had learning about race, it's interesting and honestly, funny. You wouldn't think that a mixed race household would have complications explaining about race to their children...unfortunately, I think it's really that we're having to teach them that where they see no differences, others do. In a way, that's kind of sad.

No Time For You, Readers

Have you noticed? I'm posting my Issues, so much less frequently now, Readers. It's that time of year again, time to spend every waking moment outside....or Swiffering. Well, the Swiffering I do anyway, but I'm getting the spring cleaning urge and the Swiffering has been taken up a notch.

I haven't baked anything chocolate in weeks, can you believe it?? I'm getting outside and doing activities, like bike riding and walking. I just want to feel the sun and warm air, I don't want to miss a minute of it. (By warm air I mean anything over 38 degrees, by the time it gets to 45, break out the shortsleeves. I've gotten used to 9 degrees, 45 is a flippin' heat wave.) But also, I do know it's time to lose that roll around my middle. What kept me warm in the winter, doesn't look so cute in a swimsuit in the summer.

I also find other reasons to get outdoors, like putting clothes on the line, raking, jump-starting the dead battery on my van for the 100th time. None of these things leave a lot of time for writing about issues that are currently plaguing me, or about other people's extreme tackiness making me feel better about myself. (Admittedly, the latter is my favorite.)

I will tell you this though, I'm going to the Barbie Mini-Convention tomorrow. Now, I'm quite sure I'll have wonderful stories to tell about the interesting characters that I'll see. I'll be inside a big hotel all day tomorrow, so I'm going to miss being outdoors. It's times like this that I think I should take up smoking, so that I have a reason to go outside and just stand for like 5 minutes. It's spring in Michigan, Readers, desperate times call for desperate measures.

50, Really? Can't We Make It Like 10?

The kids and I went on a bit of a trek this weekend. I packed up their portable CD players (I'm sorry but portable music players are always going to be Walkmans to me, I don't care how it dates me.) and their little CD library cases and off we went. DJ found some CDs that I bought him when he was younger, the 50 Favorite Kids Singalongs. He was amazed and so thrilled with them, they were like brand new again. He's happy as a little clam singing along;

"....j k l m neno p coo r s..."

It made me realize that at this age it's fine for him to enjoy this CD and sing along, but it won't last much longer. Just 3 short years from now he'll be 10 and he will no longer be so amazed by The Ants Go Marching.

"....oooh, remender the Blah Blah Black Sheep song mommy....."

Of course, it's possible he will still be in love with this CD at the age of 10, maybe he will still enjoy singing along at the top of his lungs. If this in fact happens, I'll tell you who won't be thrilled. That would be his sister, AJ, at the age of 13. If there is anybody that is going to be far too cool for Mary Had A Little Lamb it will be her. There's no way that she's going to put up with his ruining her reputation with his nerdy choice in music. Clearly, she would have good reason to put her mad karate skills to use and be forced to karate chop his face in order to shut him up. In the meantime he's completely oblivious to what the future could bring and is perfectly happy to sing along;

"....mahwollee mahwollee mahwollee, life is but a dreammmmmah!"

I Was So Proud....And Then I Wasn't

Oh, Vader. Vader, Vader, Vader. He's learning, but so slowly it's like taking your fingernail down the chalkboard one inch at a time. (Yes, I know a very dated reference as chalkboards really don't exist anymore and no one probably knows what it is or why it's bad to take fingernails down it.) He has had a bit of a problem in his past with speeding tickets and every once in a while that past becomes the present, much to my chagrin. Knowing this, when he got a speeding ticket 2 weeks ago, it took him a week just to tell me about it. He fully expected my usual carrying on about him needing to get a second job to pay for his apparent recreation because otherwise we were going to have to sell the house due to the increased insurance costs not to mention the cost of the ticket. Further carrying on is how I can't trust him to ever drive my kids anywhere, I'm going to buy one of those smart cars Ford's been talking about in order to keep his foot level on the pedal, and how he's just used up his whole birthday and or Christmas present depending on the time of year it is. But I saved it, in part because he's heard it all before and it's old, but also because of the amazing thing he said about the ticket.

He told me he felt just awful and that he did a stupid thing and it's so stupid he didn't even want to tell me. Then as he's telling me he got a speeding ticket, (for speeding up to make a light), he tells me that he's been trying so hard, and he's been setting his cruise on his long drives to and from work to make sure he doesn't speed on the freeway, and that this was a stupid, ridiculous, time-wasting, money-wasting thing to do. Now, Readers, I've been married to this man for 11, almost 12 years. I've known him for 15 years, and there have been numerous tickets in those 15 years, let me tell you. Never once has he ever talked about how stupid and out of line he is for getting the ticket. Never. Clearly, I was nothing short of flabbergasted.

There is usually a tirade out of his mouth starting with;
Speed limits are ridiculous, why would they make a car able to go 120, but limit you to 70?
I'm just going the speed of traffic, everyone is going over. (Of course he's flying past them all.)
Lights take too long, everyone knows how to stop and go.
Yellow means go like hell.
And basically, most driving laws don't apply to him and should be done away with altogether.

So, though I told him I was frustrated by the setback and the upcoming cost of it ($125), I felt that he was upset enough with himself that I knew he would be much more aware and this would hopefully be the final step for him to quit driving like an asshole. I didn't carry on, I didn't threaten, I didn't even stop speaking to him for a week (he never actually notices anyway). I felt so proud of him.

Then I lost it.

Knowing the cost of the ticket, I told him to wait until the next payday, I was going to get paid, he was going to get paid, we'd pay it with a check instead of a credit card. So, he comes home one night before the pay days. He is setting up the Wii and I pay no attention. AJ is like, "Wow, did you get a new game daddy." I stop dead in my tracks, "What?" AJ loves this center of attention crap. "Look", she says, "Daddy got a new Need For Speed game. It cost $30." She looks at me expectantly. Vader doesn't look at me, clearly he's forgotten our heart to heart talk and how we're going to be frugal to pay for HIS FU*KING TICKET. Now we're paying for HIS FU*KING GAME TOO?! I stare at him and wait, arms folded of course, hoping like hell I look foreboding. He says, without looking at me, "It's used, I have 7 days to return it." I'm pissed, I decide to go to the library. He's parked behind me and so I take his car. I find an ATM w/d slip from the day before for $20. I was gone and he was off work so clearly he needed cash for some form of recreation. I start adding it up in my head. That's $50 of the $125 he's just wasted. I can't take it anymore. I storm back home and point to the game and just kind of menacingly whisper (cause that's all the anger in my throat will allow me to do), "Tomorrow." before stomping out of the room.

And so it was done. And life was good again in the house of J.

A Leisurely Day In The Backyard? I Think Not

This past Friday, the weather was so nice that I just had to go out and clean up the yard. If I didn't hurry up and get it raked I would have to tear out my eyes from looking at it. So I did. I've been having furious bouts of guilt that AJ doesn't really get recess time during the winter, so I sent her out for a recess at the same time. I could only take her idle swinging for about 3 minutes and then my OCD took over. I needed that backyard clean and now. So, I sent her up to the tree house to sweep and clean it 'till it sparkled. That way I could then rake what she sent down. Now, luckily AJ has a bit of my OCD and she actually enjoys cleaning, so we made quick work of the back yard.

While we worked we talked a bit. One question she wanted to ask me was this, "Mommy? Are you good at multi-tasking?" Hello? There may be many a thing I'm not good at, but I'm a kick ass multi-tasker. I fu*king multi-task in my sleep. Knowing this of myself I decided to question if she knows what multi-tasking is because how could she even question this of me otherwise? She replies that she knows what it is and asks again if I'm good at it.

My reply, (while out of breath since I'm raking more intensely than before because I have no more time for raking as now I want to get clothes out on the line.), "AJ, if you live in this house you better know the answer to that. What do you think it's called when I talk on the phone while doing the dishes and cooking supper, all the while handing you plates to set the table with and sending your brother off to your dad to do his homework? Let's not even mention combining an OCD obsession of cleaning this yard, giving you a recess, making you clean during it, while giving you spelling words and planning out what's for supper. For gods sakes if moms couldn't multi-task, we'd have to get rid of the husbands once the babies were born cause god knows you can't take care of a husband, on top of everything else we do without being able to multi-task." And holy shit, kick my ass, frickin' point made and proven. Whew.

Perhaps AJ was just looking for a yes or a no answer. She really didn't have anything else to say to me about that.

Spring...How I've Missed You

I know, I'm so disgraced, I haven't even written anything in March yet. I'm finally feeling better this week and I have so much to catch up on around the house. Then you add in the fact that we've had two days in a row in the 60s and really so little else holds meaning for me any longer. My ass belongs outdoors, scrubbing, cleaning, raking, sweeping, fixing, and just plain basking. Soaking it all up. Without. A. Coat. I'm going back out now, I'm gonna hang clothes on the line. Life is good.