That's Right...No Christmas Cards Again This Year

And I'm not sorry either. I didn't send out Christmas cards this year and I couldn't be happier about it. I don't know what my problem is with it. Perhaps it's my own little rebellion against the USPS, I'm doing my part to allow them to continue whining about how broke they are. Perhaps it's because I always wait until the last minute to get the kids pictures done. Well, not this year, this year we got them done early, but then, because they were done by a real professional photographer, you don't order them directly at the studio and apparently that is something that must happen in order for me to actually order them. I still haven't ordered the photos, so what, I'll get to it....maybe.

Perhaps I just don't like sending out the Christmas cards because I've done it for so long that I'm over it. When I was in elementary school, once I had learned to write in cursive, my dad came to the table with a stack of cards and a pen. He declared that I had such pretty writing, I should do the Christmas cards. Well, always a sucker for a compliment, I agreed to do whatever he needed me to do. Uh huh. It became, forevermore, my job. After writing out cards to my dad's 280 brothers and sisters as well as various other fringe family members for years and years, I'm suffering Christmas card writer's block. I just can't force myself to get out the address book and address all those envelopes and write all those "merrys" and "happys". So I won't and I don't. And I'm perfectly at peace with it.

The Vader Family Christmas Party

In following tradition, Bleaders, this year we finished up our own little Christmas and trotted our spoiled asses over to enjoy Christmas Day dinner with Vader's family. This is a sight to behold, let me tell you. There are anywhere from 15 to 150 family members crammed into the host's house at any given moment. Grandmas, Uncles, Cousins, friends of cousins, neighbors, friends of the neighbors, drifters, and even Californians. Hell, it got so crammed in this year, we were sweating and had to turn on the fans. Vader, as well as the rest of his family in it's entirety, all speak very, very loudly when together. Just get Vader on the phone with his mom or brother and he can be heard throughout our whole house. Friends of A & D are always like, "Why does your dad talk so loud on the phone?" Believe me, it's not cause he's on the phone that he's talking so loud, it's his family, they wouldn't know who it was if he wasn't shouting apparently. So, we've got a good 50 or 100 people in the house, all of them shouting, which makes others have to shout even louder to be heard and then someone happens past the stereo and notices that the lovely Christmas music is totally drowned out by all the shouting so it gets turned up super loud and the shouting is then literally at the highest level. People are cupping their hands around their mouths and yelling. I look around, stunned that no one thinks this is completely insane. Now, people are actually cupping their hands around other people's ears and shouting into the ears of their conversational partner. Shouting in ears.....like we're at a concert, or a monster truck rally. Eventually someone comes over to get the punch and turns the music down, probably because the vibrations of it were causing the punch to spill out of the bowl. It takes a couple of minutes for everyone to adjust, but the screaming into the ears does come to an end. It was a very nice dinner, sadly I had to scoot out of there around 8:00, somehow I had come down with a migraine....

From Our Family To Yours

Happy Holidays and a wonderful New Year to everyone!

I'm Now Prepared To Freeze My Ass Off

Catch up time! Get ready for a whole load of posts. I've been thinking of them, taking pictures for them, it's just too damn cold in my office to do anything about it. It usually runs about 48 degrees in my office this time of year. I used to have a little bitty space heater that told me the exact temp....until I blew it up last year from over-use.

Off To A Great Start!

Bleaders, if you'll remember the misery of last winter....the horrendous record breaking snow, most godawful winter bullshit ever, that was last year....you'll also recall that the children had but one measly, worthless snow day. Their little hearts were crushed as they no longer believed in the wonderment of winter, the magical snow day was just a myth after all. Well not this year! First snow, first snow day! What?! How do you like that, bitches? I know I like it very much....all except for the fact that my cancellation phone call came sooner than my alarm would've went off, thus I was up extra early. But, I didn't have to shower!

Just Happy To Be "D"

As we've already established, D is very interested in his ancestry. A week or so before Thanksgiving, we all sat down to eat dinner together. D cupped his hands together in a pleading manner and said, "Please, please, please, tell me I'm half Indian, mommy. Please!" Clearly, D is quite taken with all the Native American history he's currently learning in school. He's entranced by it, so I proceeded to crush his little heart and stomp it just a bit by telling him that he's unfortunately not half Indian. "Well, then what am I?", he asks, apparently his glee from finding out he's African a few months ago already forgotten. So I proceed to tell him...again.

Me: You're 1/4 Dutch...
D doing a fist pump: Yesssss!
Me: You're 1/8 Finnish....
D doing a fist pump: Wait, what's a Finnish?
Me: You're 1/2 African....
D doing a fist pump: AFRICAN! Yesssss!
D: That's from dad. Right mom, right? Don't they live in Africa? Are Africans from Africa?

Perhaps he can't remember because the excitement of it all is causing so much blood to rush to his brain that it's giving him little mini strokes, it's like excitement amnesia. Either that or he forgets purposely so that he can get all excited about it again, he's addicted to the excitement of ancestry. .......Well, who wouldn't be?

Winter Survival Must Haves - Stand Mixer - CHECK!

You do not even know the damage I'm going to do now. I got an early Christmas gift from my parents. My life's dream complete.....a Kitchen-Aid stand mixer. That's right, pure beauty in kitchen appliance mode. Armed with that and my vintage Betty Crocker cookbook I'm going to be unstoppable, amazing, and roly poly indeed. No one will know though, the snow is coming this week and so I'll not be emerging for the next 4-5 months. Count on it.

The New Salvation Army-Covering It's Own Ass-Screw Everyone Else

How's this for Tacky, Bleaders? I frequent many of the thrift stores in town, oh hell, in all of Michigan, one of which is The Salvation Army. Now, I mainly purchase knick knacks and toys from The Salvation Army stores. I do not go in for the clothing. Their return policy sucks and I have a problem that there is no rhyme or reason to their pricing. Let me give you a couple examples. At Goodwill, all kids clothes are $1.99. At Salvation Army, they may be $3.99, because you know, it may have an important name brand....like Faded Glory. At Goodwill, all women's shirts are $3.29, take it or leave it. At Salvation Army they may be $1.99 or they may be $7.99, again, could be an important name brand like Arizona with the tags still on. Yee. Ha. So you see my point, the pricers are either pranksters, or completely illiterate.

So in the last couple of months I've noticed a real lack of toys. I mean, I used to pick up doll houses, gorgeous stuffed animals by the armfuls, Bratz dolls, fantastic board games, just all around great stuff. Now, there is nothing, zippo. A small bin of stuffed animals and a couple bikes, it's just horrible. I decided to ask an employee what the heck is going on. She informed me that they aren't putting toys out anymore. I asked why and she said that they are afraid of lawsuits because of all the toy recalls concerning lead. I of course told her that most people are well aware of which toys to avoid....I'm looking at YOU Mattel....and that they could easily avoid putting out the toys in question....Mattel.....and put out all the ones that are good. I said that there has never been a problem with MGA/Bratz dolls, Little Tikes, I don't recall any board games or puzzles that were recalled. I certainly don't remember any recalls on stuffed animals. Some Barbies had problems, but it was just the accessories, not the actual doll. I mean, this is easy stuff, I told her. It's sad, I said, that they would just throw away perfectly good items, and in effect throw away money, especially when they have a responsibility to the community to provide low cost goods as well as to the foundation that they serve. Well, she quickly informed me they don't throw any of it away, surely she didn't want me to think that. I asked what they did with it then. Oh, they box all the toys up and send them to South America. WHAT? They are so concerned and wouldn't want to poison the precious little children of the United States, but it's okay if they poison the children of South America? I mean, this must just sound like a great solution to them. They get a write off, they don't fill up the land fills in our great country, and no one in South America that will receive these goods has any money to sue them. It's a win-win for The Salvation Army.

For me, I'm completely done with Salvation Army, done donating, done giving money to the red kettle, and done shopping until they get their priorities in order. If you're worried about poisoning one kid, you better worry about poisoning them all, not just the ones who can sue you. If you're not going to be knowledgeable about sorting your donations, let people know at the door that their toy donations won't be resold to people that can use them here in the States. Spread the word, Bleaders, your donations don't count at the Salvation Army.