I Was So Proud....And Then I Wasn't

Oh, Vader. Vader, Vader, Vader. He's learning, but so slowly it's like taking your fingernail down the chalkboard one inch at a time. (Yes, I know a very dated reference as chalkboards really don't exist anymore and no one probably knows what it is or why it's bad to take fingernails down it.) He has had a bit of a problem in his past with speeding tickets and every once in a while that past becomes the present, much to my chagrin. Knowing this, when he got a speeding ticket 2 weeks ago, it took him a week just to tell me about it. He fully expected my usual carrying on about him needing to get a second job to pay for his apparent recreation because otherwise we were going to have to sell the house due to the increased insurance costs not to mention the cost of the ticket. Further carrying on is how I can't trust him to ever drive my kids anywhere, I'm going to buy one of those smart cars Ford's been talking about in order to keep his foot level on the pedal, and how he's just used up his whole birthday and or Christmas present depending on the time of year it is. But I saved it, in part because he's heard it all before and it's old, but also because of the amazing thing he said about the ticket.

He told me he felt just awful and that he did a stupid thing and it's so stupid he didn't even want to tell me. Then as he's telling me he got a speeding ticket, (for speeding up to make a light), he tells me that he's been trying so hard, and he's been setting his cruise on his long drives to and from work to make sure he doesn't speed on the freeway, and that this was a stupid, ridiculous, time-wasting, money-wasting thing to do. Now, Readers, I've been married to this man for 11, almost 12 years. I've known him for 15 years, and there have been numerous tickets in those 15 years, let me tell you. Never once has he ever talked about how stupid and out of line he is for getting the ticket. Never. Clearly, I was nothing short of flabbergasted.

There is usually a tirade out of his mouth starting with;
Speed limits are ridiculous, why would they make a car able to go 120, but limit you to 70?
I'm just going the speed of traffic, everyone is going over. (Of course he's flying past them all.)
Lights take too long, everyone knows how to stop and go.
Yellow means go like hell.
And basically, most driving laws don't apply to him and should be done away with altogether.

So, though I told him I was frustrated by the setback and the upcoming cost of it ($125), I felt that he was upset enough with himself that I knew he would be much more aware and this would hopefully be the final step for him to quit driving like an asshole. I didn't carry on, I didn't threaten, I didn't even stop speaking to him for a week (he never actually notices anyway). I felt so proud of him.

Then I lost it.

Knowing the cost of the ticket, I told him to wait until the next payday, I was going to get paid, he was going to get paid, we'd pay it with a check instead of a credit card. So, he comes home one night before the pay days. He is setting up the Wii and I pay no attention. AJ is like, "Wow, did you get a new game daddy." I stop dead in my tracks, "What?" AJ loves this center of attention crap. "Look", she says, "Daddy got a new Need For Speed game. It cost $30." She looks at me expectantly. Vader doesn't look at me, clearly he's forgotten our heart to heart talk and how we're going to be frugal to pay for HIS FU*KING TICKET. Now we're paying for HIS FU*KING GAME TOO?! I stare at him and wait, arms folded of course, hoping like hell I look foreboding. He says, without looking at me, "It's used, I have 7 days to return it." I'm pissed, I decide to go to the library. He's parked behind me and so I take his car. I find an ATM w/d slip from the day before for $20. I was gone and he was off work so clearly he needed cash for some form of recreation. I start adding it up in my head. That's $50 of the $125 he's just wasted. I can't take it anymore. I storm back home and point to the game and just kind of menacingly whisper (cause that's all the anger in my throat will allow me to do), "Tomorrow." before stomping out of the room.

And so it was done. And life was good again in the house of J.